My soul seeks celebration,
Wondrous bright decoration.
 
Bring holly and ivy, and garlands unfurled.
And sing Baroque carols; lighten my world.
But no! How their beauty does wring my heart sore.
I weep and cry out. I cannot take more.
Yet Rudolph and Santa, leave me empty and hollow.
So play on Baroque carols and let the tears follow!
 
So play on symphonies de Noels,
O Jesu mi Dulcissime,
In Nativitatum Domini Canticum,
And Harmonia Caelestis.
Prepare ye the way for the
 Jubilate! Alleluia! and Gloria!

​by Elizabeth Crispina Johnson
 

 My priest and I comparing heads!  Reflecting the light! 

On June 11th (after 3 surgeries), I began my radiation/chemo treatment. My family and I tried to look ahead to the end of October when it was expected that I would have my last treatment. I remember sitting beside Brad after the doctor had outlined the plan, and experiencing a pendulum swing of thoughts and emotions. "Lord have mercy." 
"How will this ever work?"
"We've gone through a lot over 42 years. We can do this."
"This is not like anything else we have been through. Can we do this?"

Here we are five months later having completed this phase of the "I have cancer" experience. Maybe I am too tired, but for whatever reason I do not feel a sense of accomplishment as one often does after having reached a goal. Maybe in a few weeks when this last round of chemo has finished wreaking havoc with my body I will experience a small "ta-dum" type of emotion. Maybe not. Guess it is immaterial. 

​The autumn leaves are beautiful today. 
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