I lost the heart for writing. The last week of radiation combined with chemo kicked my butt and every day I thought, "Just a quick blog post," and every day I said, "Tomorrow." The nuts and bolts is this: having completed the 3 surgeries and five weeks of radiation and low-dose chemo (don't be deceived by the word low-dose; it packed a punch), I am now "on a break" to give my bone marrow time to recover a bit before starting the BGC, Big Guns Chemo, two weeks from today (August 23). All the techs and docs say," Enjoy your break!" Despite the fact I do feel a bit better physically and I am happy not spending half of every day in treatment, I find this the hardest time of all so far. I wish I could embrace the feeling almost normal. Mostly, knowing it is so very fleeting, it depresses me. Four rounds of BGC over the next three months looms overhead like a colossal vicious cloud. Kinda takes the sense of relief out of the present. Here endeth the Nuts and Bolts. On to the Poetic (of sorts.)
By Elizabeth Crispina Johnson
The storm has passed; the wind grows still.
Gray drifts away and skies turn bright.
The sunflowers, though beaten down,
Lift their faces and embrace the light.
Yet, over the hilltop, black clouds amass,
While as tho’ lilies, the sunflowers quietly abide,
Gaining new faith for storms ahead.
Absorbing strength for whate’r betide.
Ah! For grace to be the sunflower.
Lord, have mercy.
Note from Elizabeth
Although I am determinedly declaring that I will not allow being a cancer patient to define me, I recognize that in truth, for the next several months, it will in many ways do just that, This blog, Fighting with the Wind, is where my medical updates, philosophical musings, humorous anecdotes, heart-warming stories, spiritual contemplations, angry rantings, and joyous celebrations can be found.